Well, it be goin' on six years now that me good fer nothin' layabout, drunken, sunstroked mates went an' elected me cap'n o' this sodden pile o' sea turtle turds, an' I still ain't forgiven 'em. Still, me da used ta tell me that a man must make the best o' what life insults 'im with, an' I done spent the better part o' me life livin' that wisdom.
Me an' the rest o' the crew be lookin' fer a fyne, seaworthy vessel for with ta take up our avocation as, shall we say, "Maritime Salvage Consultants". Ta be honest, I don't give a bilgerat's bunghole whether we find a ship or not. We learned from our grievous mistreatment o' our last ship that maintainin' an oceangoin' vessel be hard work, an' I don't rightly believe this scurvy lot be up to the task. I'd be happy jes ta sit an' smoke me pipe, drink a tot or two o' rum and read a few dirty limericks till divine providence sees fit ta blast me ta hell fer me wicked life, but I must confess it'd be nice ta be on the sea again, and mebbe die a rich man 'stead o' a broken down ol' pirate such as I be.
In any weather, we be lookin' fer friendly ports o' call, where we hope ta meet both friend an' foe face ta face, with devil-be-damned grins upon our faces, sharp (if rusty) cutlasses in our hands and rum upon our breath. If'n ye think ye be salt enough ta survive a "visit" from the Laziest Crew on the Seven Seas, mebbe ye'll drop us a note an' invite us to yer port fer a drink or five.
Yours in the Sweet Trade,
Me an' the rest o' the crew be lookin' fer a fyne, seaworthy vessel for with ta take up our avocation as, shall we say, "Maritime Salvage Consultants". Ta be honest, I don't give a bilgerat's bunghole whether we find a ship or not. We learned from our grievous mistreatment o' our last ship that maintainin' an oceangoin' vessel be hard work, an' I don't rightly believe this scurvy lot be up to the task. I'd be happy jes ta sit an' smoke me pipe, drink a tot or two o' rum and read a few dirty limericks till divine providence sees fit ta blast me ta hell fer me wicked life, but I must confess it'd be nice ta be on the sea again, and mebbe die a rich man 'stead o' a broken down ol' pirate such as I be.
In any weather, we be lookin' fer friendly ports o' call, where we hope ta meet both friend an' foe face ta face, with devil-be-damned grins upon our faces, sharp (if rusty) cutlasses in our hands and rum upon our breath. If'n ye think ye be salt enough ta survive a "visit" from the Laziest Crew on the Seven Seas, mebbe ye'll drop us a note an' invite us to yer port fer a drink or five.
Yours in the Sweet Trade,
Captain John Christopher "Topknot" Roberts
The Dread Ship Outrageous Fortune
The Dread Ship Outrageous Fortune